Theory Of Nothing

or Just Theory

This Gangbang Is So Awkward

Oh man. How did I talk myself into this? This was not a good idea.

What am I supposed to be doing right now? Should I be doing something? She looks pretty occupied currently. She’s already handling three dudes. I guess I’ll just stand here and stroke it some more. Keep your head together Mike. Your time will come. Man this gangbang is awkward!

This seemed like it would be awesome. It always looked so cool in the videos. But all this waiting and watching is really uncomfortable.

I figured I’d just sort of fall into a natural rhythm and find my groove, but I’ve gotta admit that I am really perplexed as to the proper gangbang protocol here.

Whoa. She just looked at me. Does that mean she wants me to come up there so she can suck me off? Maybe that’s what she’s indicating. But what if she didn’t mean that? What if I go up there and shove my junk in her face and she doesn’t want anything to do with it? I’d look like a real horse’s ass then. I’d better just wait here.

Man this guy’s taking a long time. Come on dude, who are you trying to impress here? There are other guys waiting.

Look at that guy’s penis! It’s way bigger then mine. Thicker at least. I hope I don’t have to follow him. She won’t even know I’m in there.

Oh man, he caught me staring at it. Well that’s just great. Now he’s gonna think I’m queer. I’m not queer man. I’m just a little self conscious. God this is awkward.

It’s too hot in here.

These guys are all saying sexy things to her. I’m the only one who’s not talking dirty. I should say something so that they don’t think I’m lame. Here goes….

“Yeah, you like that bitch!”

Shit. That was stupid. Now everyone’s looking at me like I’m some misogynistic asshole.

I am an asshole. Why did I have to say the most cliché, demeaning thing I could think of? Like I need to remind her that she “likes that”. Smooth move dumbass.

I wonder why she’s doing this. I’ll bet she had a bad childhood. She probably lacked a strong paternal figure in her life.

Damn it. Now I’m half mast. Now I look like the guy that can’t keep it up. Concentrate Mike. Stop psychoanalyzing and keep your mind on the sex.

Okay here we go, that guy’s done. About time. Should I go now? I’ve waited long enough, I’m going in there.

Damn it. The Italian guy beat me to it. I was here way before the Italian guy. How are we determining who’s turn it is here anyways? Was there some sign up sheet I missed or something? Damn it.

Steady Mike old boy. There’s plenty for everyone. Just wait it out. Deep breaths.

I hope no one tries to go anal when I’m taking my turn. I’m not real cool with my stuff touching another guy’s stuff. And I think that would be unavoidable. That would be really awkward.

Something in here stinks. Is that me? I hope it’s not me. Oh man, I hope it’s not her! Wait, no, it’s the Italian guy. Thank God.

Okay, time to make your move Mike. I’ve gotta get in there and mix it up. Other wise I’m that creep at the gangbang who’s just watching and beating off. You’ve gotta be in it to win it. Okay here goes.

Wait, what’s going on? Everyone’s finishing off on her! We’re climaxing already? We just got started! I haven’t even gone yet!

Okay stay calm Mike. No one knows that. Just finish yourself off so that you’re not the odd man out.

Well this was great. This was just great. A red letter day in my sad sexual history. And what am I supposed to do now? Do we all hang around for a while and talk about it? Where should I clean up?

God this is awkward.

Presented in Look At My Striped Shirt! Confessions Of The People You Love To Hate, by the Phat Phree.

(Link)

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Thursday, 10 July 2008 - Posted by | Internet, Literature, Pop Culture

3 Comments »

  1. oh i love it.

    Comment by lena | Friday, 11 July 2008 | Reply

  2. I was in stitches. 😄 Thank you!

    Comment by Aya | Wednesday, 11 February 2009 | Reply

  3. […] gang bang is so awkward. This Gangbang Is So Awkward Theory Of Nothing […]

    Pingback by Is it really wrong to think your sister is hot? - Cameldog Mixed Martial Arts Forums | Wednesday, 8 August 2012 | Reply


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