Theory Of Nothing

or Just Theory

This Gangbang Is So Awkward

Oh man. How did I talk myself into this? This was not a good idea.

What am I supposed to be doing right now? Should I be doing something? She looks pretty occupied currently. She’s already handling three dudes. I guess I’ll just stand here and stroke it some more. Keep your head together Mike. Your time will come. Man this gangbang is awkward!

This seemed like it would be awesome. It always looked so cool in the videos. But all this waiting and watching is really uncomfortable.

I figured I’d just sort of fall into a natural rhythm and find my groove, but I’ve gotta admit that I am really perplexed as to the proper gangbang protocol here.

Whoa. She just looked at me. Does that mean she wants me to come up there so she can suck me off? Maybe that’s what she’s indicating. But what if she didn’t mean that? What if I go up there and shove my junk in her face and she doesn’t want anything to do with it? I’d look like a real horse’s ass then. I’d better just wait here.

Man this guy’s taking a long time. Come on dude, who are you trying to impress here? There are other guys waiting.

Look at that guy’s penis! It’s way bigger then mine. Thicker at least. I hope I don’t have to follow him. She won’t even know I’m in there.

Oh man, he caught me staring at it. Well that’s just great. Now he’s gonna think I’m queer. I’m not queer man. I’m just a little self conscious. God this is awkward.

It’s too hot in here.

These guys are all saying sexy things to her. I’m the only one who’s not talking dirty. I should say something so that they don’t think I’m lame. Here goes….

“Yeah, you like that bitch!”

Shit. That was stupid. Now everyone’s looking at me like I’m some misogynistic asshole.

I am an asshole. Why did I have to say the most cliché, demeaning thing I could think of? Like I need to remind her that she “likes that”. Smooth move dumbass.

I wonder why she’s doing this. I’ll bet she had a bad childhood. She probably lacked a strong paternal figure in her life.

Damn it. Now I’m half mast. Now I look like the guy that can’t keep it up. Concentrate Mike. Stop psychoanalyzing and keep your mind on the sex.

Okay here we go, that guy’s done. About time. Should I go now? I’ve waited long enough, I’m going in there.

Damn it. The Italian guy beat me to it. I was here way before the Italian guy. How are we determining who’s turn it is here anyways? Was there some sign up sheet I missed or something? Damn it.

Steady Mike old boy. There’s plenty for everyone. Just wait it out. Deep breaths.

I hope no one tries to go anal when I’m taking my turn. I’m not real cool with my stuff touching another guy’s stuff. And I think that would be unavoidable. That would be really awkward.

Something in here stinks. Is that me? I hope it’s not me. Oh man, I hope it’s not her! Wait, no, it’s the Italian guy. Thank God.

Okay, time to make your move Mike. I’ve gotta get in there and mix it up. Other wise I’m that creep at the gangbang who’s just watching and beating off. You’ve gotta be in it to win it. Okay here goes.

Wait, what’s going on? Everyone’s finishing off on her! We’re climaxing already? We just got started! I haven’t even gone yet!

Okay stay calm Mike. No one knows that. Just finish yourself off so that you’re not the odd man out.

Well this was great. This was just great. A red letter day in my sad sexual history. And what am I supposed to do now? Do we all hang around for a while and talk about it? Where should I clean up?

God this is awkward.

Presented in Look At My Striped Shirt! Confessions Of The People You Love To Hate, by the Phat Phree.


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Thursday, 10 July 2008 Posted by | Internet, Literature, Pop Culture | 3 Comments

Free Rice

Word play for Free Rice now:

  • Click on the answer that best defines the word.
  • If you get it right, you get a harder word. If wrong, you get an easier word.

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Saturday, 24 November 2007 Posted by | Internet, Literature | Leave a comment

The Incorruptible Warrior

A free Chinese online game, The Incorruptible Warrior, was so overwhelmingly popular during its 3-days-long live-testing that its sever has been shut down for upgrading. On 25 July 2007 – its first day of live-testing – more than 300 people registered. This number multiplied with astonishing speed. At alone, more than 100,000 downloads of the game were made. 3 days later on 28 July 2007, the server was so congested that players could no longer log in to the game. After all, the server was originally designed for only about 500 online players at any one time.

What is it about this game that is attracting so many players? In a cyberspace flooded with countless free online games, the popularity of the game is surprising and noteworthy because the technical quality of the game is certainly less than mediocre. The executable file is only 78M, the pictures are crude, the scenes are spare, the copyright is suspect with its massive amount of borrowing from other famous Chinese computer games, it has only one server and that is unstable to boot.

Maybe the widespread interest in the game has to do with its premise, which is arguably an intriguing one. The player takes the role of the hero in the game as an “honest and upright official” whose assignment is to weed out corrupt officials, along with their mistresses and children. This is achieved by using weapons, wizardry and torture to kill them. The conventional method of putting them in jail is not an option in the game.


There are 165 characters taken from history. On the hero’s side are the famously upright officials such as Hai Rui, Lord Bao, etc. Opposing the hero are the notoriously corrupt officials such as Zhao Gao, Huo Shen, etc. The corrupt officials’ different degrees of power or corruption are indicated by the gauge levels over their heads.

When the hero kills a corrupt official, he gains experience points. For example, the hero gains 100 experience points for killing the eunuch official, Wei Zhongxian. As the hero accumulate expereince points, he increases his powers for “Combatting corruption,” “Moral character” and “Degree of being corruption free,” instead of the typical “Life,” “Strength” and “Magic” in most other games.

The hero’s ultimate goal is to reach the “Honest and Corruption-Free Paradise” where “the birds sing, the flowers give out fragrance, the people are full of love and harmony, the nation is prospering and the world is calm and peaceful.”

Here are some Netizens’ observations and questions about the game:

– The characters and scenes are crude, perhaps even cruder than games such as Celestial Sword from 10 years ago.

– The monsters are always either “son of corrupt official” or “daughter of corrupt official.”

– Even if an official is corrupt, is it necessary to kill his children?

– Why do the “mistresses of corrupt officials” walk around in bikinis? Why do they have to fight without proper clothes?

– There are options for adding values and purchasing equipment. Is this one of those “free” games that make money off the value-added services?

– A lot of the material is taken from other famous Chinese computer games such as Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Legend, etc. Does the fact that the government created this game mean that copyrights do not have to be respected?

Interestingly, the financial sponsor of the game is the Communist Party Disciplinary Committee of the Haishu district in Ningbo city, China.


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Thursday, 2 August 2007 Posted by | Game, Internet, News, Pop Culture | Leave a comment

Pottering on the internet

Now that I’ve read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I finally dare to allow myself to read the purported spoiler news surrounding it before its official release. But in order not to spoil your fun, I shall keep it all to myself and simply highlight how some of these spoilers germinate via technology. So read ahead, there are no spoilers.

One of the most widely circulated purported spoilers was a series of photographs of the book leaked onto the internet before the book’s worldwide release date. Every page of the book had been meticulously photographed, all the way from page 1 to page 759. They were then made downloadable from various file-sharing networks such as Pirate Bay, and in various formats, such as the easily accessible PDF, as well as formats for Palm and of course, iPod, etc.

A few days later, computer experts pointed out that the identity of the person behind the leak could be easily revealed from the camera he was using. The camera he was using could be just as easily traced from the digital DNA of the photographs taken by the camera. This digital DNA of vital information, or “metadata,” is known as Exchangeable Image File Format (Exif) data and cannot be switched off. While some software can be used to strip or edit the information, you cannot edit every field.

Unsurprisingly, it has already been traced that the particular camera used to photograph the book is one of the original Canon Rebel cameras, probably a 350D. Because the model is three years old, the camera would likely have been serviced at least once since it was purchased, in which case the owner’s name would be known. Vic Solomon, a product intelligence officer at Canon’s UK head office said, “In theory, we can find out which country the camera was sold in and in turn the warranty and service centre records in that country could be checked. It would take a lot of work, but there’s a good chance they could find him or her.” As it is, it can already be safely concluded that the camera was likely sold in either America or Canada, because the Rebel 350 was not distributed in any other country.

Bloomsbury, the UK publisher of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, said that its lawyers are investigating all potential leaks of material from the book and would take legal action wherever necessary. Meanwhile, JK Rowling, the book’s author, was “staggered [that] some American newspapers have decided to publish purported spoilers in the form of reviews in complete disregard of the wishes of literally millions of readers, particularly children, who wanted to reach Harry’s final destination by themselves, in their own time.”

If nothing else, the pre-release furore surrounding Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has emphasized the snowballing problem of copyright with the increasing use of technology and especially the internet.


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Thursday, 26 July 2007 Posted by | Internet, Literature, News, Pop Culture, Technology | Leave a comment

Remember The Piano Teacher?

It was written by Elfriede Jelinek in 1983, adapted into a film starring the wonderful Isabelle Huppert 6 years ago.

Jelinek, who is famously agoraphobic and lives reclusively in her homes in Vienna and Munich, Germany, has decided to publish her latest book, Neid (German for “Envy”) online. The first two chapters are already up on her website.

In an email interview (but of course) with The Associated Press, she said, “I find the Internet to be the most wonderful thing there is. It connects people. Everyone can have input. It’s a wonderfully democratic method, publishing a text on the Internet.”

Jelinek is 60, Austrian, and the Nobel literature laureate. Some of her works such as, Wonderful, Wonderful Times, Women as Lovers and Lust have been considered pornographic.


I have not read enough Jelinek. But I had fun with The Piano Teacher. And someday I will write about the democracy of the internet.

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Saturday, 14 July 2007 Posted by | Film, Internet, Literature, News, Technology | Leave a comment